Note: From time to time (okay, a lot of the time), Britt and Kate do something fun and semi-crazy when they’ve been working too hard and need a laugh. This is one of those times, but it’s actually pretty informative about our characters whether you’ve read Pistils yet or not. We hope you enjoy…
An Interview with Parker Chase and Vivian Carmichael, protagonists of Pistils
Describe your best friend.
Parker: Hmm, starting off with the tough questions, I see. Well, Vivian is…beautiful. Inside and out. She’s fiercely loyal, so intelligent it’s downright scary, and she’s got a huge heart. She’s my favorite person on this planet, not only because I know she’ll always have my back, but because she just makes my life so much FUN. The problem is that she’s got her guard up so far that no one really gets to see past her bitch brow unless you really know her. People see her as a hard-ass. I see the girl who got pissed at me when we were seven when I had Barbie marry Ken instead of her beloved GI Joe.
Vivian: Uh-huh, and I’m pretty sure Barbie regretted that decision about five minutes later.
Parker: Hey, at least Barbie got the Malibu Dreamhouse out of the divorce. Silver lining, Viv, find it!
Vivian: Whatever. Okay, describing my best friend…Parker is one of those people who is just the best kind of person in all things. She’s a total hottie, she’s nicer than anyone I’ve ever met in my life, she’s got a gut instinct like a psychic, but she’s always willing to give everyone a chance. She’s never mean to anyone, EVER, unless they really deserve it, and even then she’s not actually MEAN. She puts up with me, which should pretty much earn her some kind of Nobel Prize, and she has this knack for getting old men to fall madly in love with her.
Parker: And Vivian is obviously insanely jealous about my old man attention. But I’ll let it slide since she said all those sweet things about me.
Okay, next question…where do you see yourself in ten years?
Parker: I really don’t know how to answer that question, because my life could literally go in any direction. I don’t have set goals as far as needing to be at a certain point in my life at a certain time. Above all else, I just want to be happy. Whether I’m living on an exotic beach somewhere, selling sea shell necklaces, or I’m still PI girl/florist, or I’ve got a handsome husband and a brood of kids. I don’t know which way this life will take me, because it’s unpredictable at best, but one thing I do know is this: I’ll be doing what I love, and surrounded by sincere and happy people.
Vivian: Ummm…teaching maybe. College students, though, unless I find some rugrats that want to learn Russian.
Parker turns to look at Vivian: What the what? You never told me you wanted to teach?? That’s awesome, Viv! You do have that sexy teacher look, if you wore glasses.
Vivian: I have no idea where that came from, it just popped into my head when I heard the question. I guess my subconscious wants a say. shrugs
Do you have any regrets, big or little?
Parker: I think everyone has regrets to an extent. For example, I regret staying in a relationship with a man who decided to make a blog chronicling how stupid I am. But do I regret the outcome? Hell no. I’ve learned so much from the pain he subjected me to, and I discovered my true calling thanks to his douchebaggery. Apart from that, I guess the biggest regret I have is not cherishing the time I had with my parents before they died. I know you can’t predict death, but looking back, there are a lot of situations I wished I would have relished in just a little more.
Vivian: Next question.
If you could have any super power, what would it be and why?
Vivian: Ummm, mind-reading. Even if I heard things I didn’t really want to know…it would go with the territory. And I could do positive things with it too.
Parker: Part of me wants to say invisibility, because that would really make my job easier. I’d just follow my mark right into their hotel room, and then bam, proof documented, scum ball busted…the end! But the rest of me, especially the little girl inside that played super heroes with her dad, would have to say flying. Even though I’m named after Spiderman, and my favorite was Batman, this girl is all about Superman. I’d only use my power for good though, guys, come on. 😉
Vivian: So if you had both, you would totally fly straight to Hollywood and invisibility yourself into a few actors’ showers. I know how you think!
Parker: How dare you suggest that Vivian!!! I would NEVER….hesitate to do that. I mean, hell, what red-blooded woman with the power of invisibility wouldn’t??
*Parker and Vivian high-five*
What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
Parker: Oh man, do you really want to know this? It’s so traumatizing…okay. When I was thirteen, it was the second time I’d ever gotten my period. And I didn’t know enough how to calculate when I’d be expecting it and to NOT wear white pants around that time. Well, yeah, let’s just say one boy, in front of the entire cafeteria pointed out a huge red stain on my ass and very loudly started calling me The Bloody Bulls-eye. But Viv broke his nose shortly thereafter. So it wasn’t all bad.
Vivian: When I was first getting the hang of Bulgarian…which is NOT the same as Russian…I accidentally propositioned a guy. In front of his kids. And a priest.
Parker: Haha, that’s right, I forgot about that! But you need to tell them what he said in return, that’s the funniest part.
Vivian: Well, it turns out he was walking his kids to school, so he said “Vrshtam sye vyednaga,” which means “I’ll be right back!” Then the priest either spit on me, or threw holy water, I’m not sure which. I got the hell out of there pretty damn quick.
Parker: Was he screaming “The power of Christ compels you!!!” in Bulgarian? I bet he was…
Vivian: No, it was something a lot less polite that I probably shouldn’t repeat here. grins
If you could have three wishes, what would they be?
Parker: HELL no. Why don’t we get to ask you two any questions? I think it’s your turn to get interrogated.
Vivian: And I’ve learned some great tactics in my day, trust me.
*Kate and Britt contemplate this strange turn of events*
Britt: Okay, you get one question, ladies. Better make it a good one.
Parker: We already know what it is. And it’s really two questions, so deal with it. One: Why did you write us? And two: When are you going to continue to write us, hmm?? Don’t you think these lovely ladies reading this interview have a right to know?
Kate: Ummm…we wrote you because it was that or another billionaire-with-a-BDSM-fetish tale? Britt, help me out here….
Britt: We wrote you because you have a story to be told. Because you two are bad ass and your relationship is inspiring and we love you!!! wipes away lone tear And also because I wouldn’t let Kate write a billionaire-with-a-BDSM-fetish tale.
Kate: If I remember correctly, it was YOUR idea at first! Anyway, the sequel to Pistils will be out in the fall, but there will be a little sumthin’ sumthin’ released in the meantime that should keep everyone satisfied until then. And that’s all you’re getting…for now.
If YOU have any questions, we don’t bite…hard…just leave your query in the comments!
-Kate and Britt